Mirror Snobbery

Do you ever look in the mirror and catch yourself inflicting harm? I did a while ago. I was feeling kind of ashamed because I had neglected to take care of a task that should have been done last week, and I was calling myself a loser without uttering a word. The look on my face told me that I was not pleased with myself, and I was administering punishment by way of a disdainful reflection in the mirror.

After a moment or so, I started thinking, "Hey! Quit that. You're a human being. There are no human beings who don't make mistakes, so just quit it."

We're all just human beings here. Not one of us is perfect. Even the person on the other end of my mistake who didn't really seem to care one way or the other that I had screwed up probably blundered recently.

This wasn't my first error in life, and mirror-hate won't make it my last. So now I'm giving my normal self a manicure, enjoying a fresh cup of coffee, and doing something productive. It's not easy being human, but it's pretty dumb to expect yourself to be something else.

A Thanksgiving List

A Thanksgiving List

• My husband baked three cream cheese pound cakes today.
• Hubby started humming "It Came Upon the Midnight Clear" as he baked. I harmonized as I cleaned up after him.
• The whole family sat around making fun of, I mean, watching, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
• My older son told me that we have a happy family. I said, "You really think so?" He said, "Oh yeah. Totally."
• My younger son was on time for our Thanksgiving dinner out today. He was also extremely good-looking. 
• The boys are playing video games together.
• We saw a really funny scene between brothers in a very bad Chuck Norris movie this morning. A few hours later, our older boy reenacted the scene with his brother in public.
• All four of us worked out after we pigged out.
• Spoonbread.
• I had a fun conversation with my brother and sister-in-law in which we all swore our own Christmas card would be the best.
• Hubby is putting a turkey in the oven at midnight tonight. It's a tradition we've carried on the entire time we've been married. Tomorrow morning, we'll wake up to the aroma of roasted turkey. 
• We ate out today with family and had a bountiful, beautiful meal. Tomorrow, we'll do it our own way at home.
• Broccoli casserole.
• Hubby and I watched the Carol Burnett version of Gone With the Wind and giggled like kids.
• Fresh starts and new days.
• Friends. They're treasures.
• Being out-voted three to one on what music to listen to in the car driving home.
• Our boys standing at dinner until their grandmother sat down. 
• A clear sky and a beautiful moon to remind me that the world is much, much bigger than the "big problems" on Earth I worry about. And God is bigger than that.
• Our younger boy likes a lot of the same stuff that I like. 
• Our older boy likes a lot of the same stuff that his dad likes. 
• I have Battle Hymn of the Republic and The Star-Spangled Banner in my iTunes, and they give me chills when I listen. I'm a patriotic gal who is grateful for her freedom.
• This Thanksgiving was much better than last Thanksgiving.
• When I had given up hope of getting a family picture today, a friend who saw me walked up and offered to take one. 
• A clean kitchen. For the moment.
• I have confidence that my boys really have a personal relationship with their heavenly father. They own it. It's not because they follow a set of rules or act a certain way. There is simply a true spiritual connection there, and it's about all I could ever hope for.

Pamper Thy Foot

Feet are really important. If your feet ache, you certainly won't feel like exercising on them. Same thing goes for knees. Many a time have I managed to get on a roll with a walking routine only to find it eventually sabotaged by an irritated foot or knee.

Lately my knees have been happy, but my feet have been achy on-and-off for about six months. While I'm walking, I actually feel fine, and the pain subsides. It's after sitting for a while or sleeping that the sharpest pain occurs.

I suspect I have a case of plantar fascilitis that sort of comes and goes. The best remedies I have found so far are:

• Foot massage
• Hot foot soaks with added menthol or tea tree oil
• Rolling my foot on a frozen bottle of water
• Arch supports (see below)

I already wear good shoes. People tell me that as women age, they need to give up buying cheap shoes and opt for the higher-priced supportive ones. I have Danskos, FitFlops, Jambus, Skechers, and New Balance and wear them every day. They don't really solve the problem, although matters would probably be worse without them.

This morning, I was at the salon having my completely natural very dark brown hair touched up at the roots, and my hair stylist friend recommended that I try arch supports. I went right out and bought a pair of Dr. Scholl's P.R.O. Heel Pain Relief Orthotics and Dr. Scholl's P.R.O. Arch Support Inserts/Orthotics. I tried the arch inserts while I walked a mile or so this afternoon. Usually at this point (30 minutes post-walk) I will begin to have very achy feet, but it does seem better after walking with the inserts. There is a little ache, but it's not as bad as usual. I'll try the heel inserts tomorrow.

Prospera iRelax Foot Spa

I have a Prospera iRelax Foot Spa and use it fairly often. My favorite treats from the drugstore to use with it are:

• Pedifix Tea Tree Ultimates Soaking Crystals Foot Bath
• Sally Hansen Just Feet Spa Peppermint Foot Creme
• Ms. Pedicure Smooth Steppin' Exfoliating Foot Scrub
• Ms. Pedicure Soft Soles Moisturizing Foot Lotion
• Dr. Teal's Lavender Foaming Bath
• Bath & Body Works Shea It Isn't So Foot Cream

I do a mean home pedicure, but the best thing going is a professional pedicure with foot massage and salt scrub. I'm due for one of those soon. Maybe I'll get one on Black Friday, since I finished my Christmas shopping on August 31! :) Visit my Christmas in August blog.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

On Not Being a Doormat

Somewhere along the line, I learned to take care of myself. I don't mean that I don't need other people in my life to do things or that I am great at taking care of myself . . . I only mean that I know how to make sure other people's needs and requests don't take over my own life.

This is not selfish. It's smart. Do you know anyone who spends her entire life answering every phone call, dropping what she's doing to prevent another person's inconveniences, running around doing errands for other people, filling needs that other people could fill for themselves, and basically making sure everyone except herself is looked after?

I do. They are good, caring, selfless women. But some of them pay so very little attention to their own needs that they actually end up being less than they could be for the people in their lives about whom they care most.

Neglecting your own basic needs is not all that selfless if you are in a constant state of:

• irritability
• fatigue
• depression
• anxiety
• resentfulness
• disorganization
• chaos

Do you ever say, "no" when someone calls you up and asks you to drop what you're doing (they don't actually say that part) and do something for them instead? Because sometimes you should say, "no." Sometimes the person on the other end of the line is not in as big of a mess as you are yourself. Do you ever step back and evaluate the situation before giving your answer?

I don't know when I learned how to do this, but it did happen at some point. 

I'll give you two examples - one from yesterday and one from today.

Yesterday, I had several work events planned for the afternoon. I needed prep time for those events. It was important. My older son, who presently has no car, called me up and asked if I could do without my car so that he could use it for something which was very important to him. 

I know many mothers who would have sacrificed their own plans in order to alleviate the strain in their son's life if this had happened to them.

What I said to my son was this: "I feel like the situation you find yourself in is a little bit of an emergency; however, my situation is actually more of an emergency. I'm sorry, but you cannot use my car until after 4:00 pm." He was, of course, disappointed, but he found another way to do what he needed to do, and my sanity was maintained for the events and the corresponding prep work that had to be done.

Today, the same son did a similar thing. He called me up because he needed a ride home from across town and had basically not planned ahead for this. Today, I decided to help him out. But I didn't just say, "Oh, okay I'll be right there." We evaluated things a little over the phone first. My son and I both understood that this would be an inconvenience to me, so he offered to do a few things to make my life easier in return for the favor. I took him up on these things.

Only a selfish mother would accept favors from her son in return for doing something nice for him, right? I don't think so. I think sharing responsibility is good for people and relationships. I think refusing compensation of some sort encourages people to take advantage of you, and it diminishes your estimation of your own worth. 

I'm not implying that I never do favors for people just to be nice. I do that a lot. I'm actually making a distinction between doing an occasional favor and being a doormat. They are two different things, and women need to be a little bit vigilant to prevent one from becoming the other.

There is a snarky saying that goes like this: "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." I think it is a bit uncaring to adopt this philosophy in every case. People make mistakes and fail to plan ahead sometimes...even the ones who hang that saying in their offices. The people who need to experience your tough love side are the ones who make a habit of failing to plan and subsequently expecting you to come to their rescue. If they do this all the time, you have probably been teaching them to do it by acquiescing. 

It's not selfish to know that your own life and plans are important. If you are looking forward to a morning of doing nothing but pampering yourself, and you've planned ahead to carve that morning out, why would you throw it out the window just because someone you care about forgot to do something they were supposed to do? Allowing our loved ones to suffer the consequences of their own actions is something we have to do from time to time. We don't have to do it all the time, but we definitely should be doing it some of the time.

Before dropping your own plans (or lack of them) in order to do what someone else wants you to do, pause long enough to determine if it's really something that must fall to you. Ask a few questions first. Ask yourself what you'll be giving up. Find out if you're the first person who as been called upon. Be willing to ask the recipient of your requested help for a favor of some kind in return...not to even the score, but to allow that person to help you as you are helping him or her. 

Women don't always realize that they are just as important as the people they love. Why are we so willing to neglect ourselves for others? Do we crave praise? Do we want to be known as the hero? Do we not know our worth unless other people tell us about it? 

Ask yourself this. Would someone who really cares about you delegate the responsibility of solving all of their problems to you? Would they be happy knowing that you are not living your own life to the fullest because you're always on call for them? Do they even know that you have your own life and interests? The responsibility of maintaining or reclaiming your own time in your own life rests with you. 

Do you believe you deserve your own time? Do you believe that you might actually be behaving selfishly if you are constantly neglecting yourself? 

It's something to think about.

A Kitchen-Cleaning Game: Sectors

My kitchen was dirty this morning. And I didn't make it that way. The other people who live here did. After I poured a cup of coffee and could make sense of where I was, I decided to travel back in time and be a 1950's housewife, sans the high heels, and with a dishwasher. Here's how I brainwashed myself:

• I streamed some episodes of Leave It To Beaver.
• I put on my grandmother's apron. (But then I took it off. Didn't look good with the PJ's.)
• I wore rubber gloves. (Not really. I don't like rubber gloves.)

Next I broke the kitchen down into sectors. I really called them sectors.

• Sector 1: The counter by the telephone
• Sector 2: The stovetop
• Sector 3: The counter by the microwave
• Sector 4: The sink
• Sector 5: The counter by the toaster
• Sector 6: The wine rack
• Sector 7: The kitchen table
• Sector 8: The cat food area
• Sector 9: The refrigerator
• Sector 10: The floor

The idea is to focus on only one sector at a time. Man, Sector 1 had a serious pile of mail in it. I think I went through two episodes of Leave It To Beaver just shredding stuff. But once that deed was done, things went quickly. Sometimes I like isolating areas of a big mess this way in order to feel less overwhelmed. I also like traveling back in time.

Post Script: I am now taking a walk with shampooed hair.

One foot in front of the other

The first step is always the hardest. How many times have I said that to myself? When you know you need to do something, but you just can't get motivated to do it, the first step is also the most important one. There are some things in my life that require absolutely no motivation:

• Having a cup of coffee
• Checking Facebook
• Editing photos
• Shopping online
• Reading
• Getting a manicure
• Getting a pedicure
• Watching great movies
• Watching Downton Abbey
• Going to Starbucks
• Making lists
• Downloading new fonts
• Eating the awesome food my hubby cooks

There are also a few things that require an inordinate amount of motivation:

• Exercising
• Doing laundry
• Scooping the kitty poop
• Catching up on a pile of bills

Why I have so much trouble making myself do the little everyday things that really do make me happy once they're done is a mystery of first-world proportions. Sometimes I talk myself into doing a mundane chore by saying to myself, "It's a favor for Future Me." Other times, I psych myself out with the promise of a reward if I do something I don't feel like doing.

Today, and pretty much every other day, the two things on my "Not Motivated to Do It" list are walking and laundry. I also need to scoop the kitty poop and catch up on a pile of bills. Oh, wait. That's everything on the list above. Yeah. I pretty much go through this every day.

So far, I actually have done one of these things. I took a walk. It was great! But it wasn't great until I took the first step. And I didn't feel motivated to take the first step until I had

1. taken a shower. (Seems counterintuitive, doesn't it?)
2. put on a little makeup.
3. made the bed.

I asked my husband if he thought it was weird that I wanted to wash my hair before I exercised, and he said, "No. I always like to take a shower before I work out." I guess we're both weird.

I took pictures of the stuff that made my walk fun, besides the very wonderful feeling of getting outside and feeling my blood circulating.

Barren trees can be rather beautiful!

There are still plenty of vibrant
fall colors out there in mid-November. 

I use Endomondo on my phone to record
my walking stats. Obviously, I'm not training
for a marathon, but this is pretty helpful.

Earbuds and tunes are also motivational.

Now, about the laundry. I've gotta do it. Here are the crazy little things I'm doing to help me get going:

• Start with a load of my favorite clothes.
• Use good-smelling stuff. I'm into Tide Pods lately. I also bought these little magic crystal-looking things the other day that are supposed to take the wonderful scent factor even higher into the awesomesphere.
• Set a timer so you don't forget to trudge back to the washroom and switch loads. I use a timer on my phone and set it to go ding-dong as soon as I need to remove something early from the dryer or at the end of a cycle.
• Do something from the "No Motivation Required" list while waiting for the timer to buzz.

Oh, and by the way...

They had a buy-one-get-one-free promotion at Starbucks between 2pm and 5pm today. Clearly, I had to take advantage of that. Guess what I saw in the parking lot?

Christmas trees ready to be adopted on November 18!